By now you’ve probably seen every where on the internet everyone talking about the Disney/Marvel/Sony deal that has brought “Spidaw-Mayun” (thank you Justin Wood) to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. What you may or may not know is that the results of this caused Marvel to reshuffle their line up and release schedule. Let’s start with that. (Source)

Next Spider-Man picture/First Spidey MCU picture: July 28, 2017
Thor Ragnarok moved to Nov. 3, 2017
Black Panther moved to July 6, 2018
Captain Marvel moved to Nov. 2, 2018
and lastly Inhumans to July 12, 2019

So yeah… any movie staring a minority or a woman or people that don’t look human… you got bumped.

As for the rest of the deal let’s go through the press release shall we!

spidermanmxFrom Marvel:

Sony Pictures Entertainment and Marvel Studios announced today that Sony is bringing Marvel into the amazing world of Spider-Man.

Weird phrasing considering the exact opposite is happening, but yeah go ahead and make Sony look good. I see what you’re doing.

Under the deal, the new Spider-Man will first appear in a Marvel film from Marvel’s Cinematic Universe (MCU). Sony Pictures will thereafter release the next installment of its $4 billion Spider-Man franchise, on July 28, 2017, in a film that will be co-produced by Kevin Feige and his expert team at Marvel and Amy Pascal, who oversaw the franchise launch for the studio 13 years ago. Together, they will collaborate on a new creative direction for the web slinger. Sony Pictures will continue to finance, distribute, own and have final creative control of the Spider-Man films.

Whoa, $4 billion? Someone’s trying to look good to the investors that don’t understand estimates. The next part is where I really call bullshit “Sony Pictures will continue to finance, distribute, own and have final creative control of the Spider-Man films.” Really? Who the fuck are you trying to fool with that one? You’re telling me that Disney and Marvel were so desperate to get Spidaw-Mayun into one film, just ONE FILM, that they’d then let Sony have control back? Sony who had the biggest fucking PR nightmare of 2014 and is still sucking ass in 2015? Sony that decided to produce a spin-off Spidey film instead of the third and fourth move that it already schedule because the second one sank domestically and didn’t help add up to that $4 billion number? Yeah… I think Sony asked Disney to tell a lie since there’s no way in hell that Disney isn’t bailing Sony out big time with all of this.

Marvel and Sony Pictures are also exploring opportunities to integrate characters from the MCU into future Spider-Man films.

Expect Hulk to stop by and say, “I knew your Uncle… he had terrible dentures.”

Shulk and Shity-Man

Shulk and Shity-Man

The new relationship follows a decade of speculation among fans about whether Spider-Man – who has always been an integral and important part of the larger Marvel Universe in the comic books – could become part of the Marvel Universe on the big screen. Spider-Man has more than 50 years of history in Marvel’s world, and with this deal, fans will be able to experience Spider-Man taking his rightful place among other Super Heroes in the MCU.

Hey Twitter and Tumblr… we gave you what you want… now shut up.

Bob Iger, Chairman and CEO, The Walt Disney Company said: “Spider-Man is one of Marvel’s great characters, beloved around the world. We’re thrilled to work with Sony Pictures to bring the iconic web-slinger into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which opens up fantastic new opportunities for storytelling and franchise building.”

Translation: “We’re glad Sony stopped being dicks and fucking up our characters, now if we could only get those cocksuckers and Fox to play ball we wouldn’t have to make a goddamn Inhumans movie.”

“We always want to collaborate with the best and most successful filmmakers to grow our franchises and develop our characters. Marvel, Kevin Feige and Amy, who helped orchestrate this deal, are the perfect team to help produce the next chapter of Spider-Man,” said Michael Lynton, Chairman and CEO of Sony Pictures Entertainment. “This is the right decision for the franchise, for our business, for Marvel, and for the fans.”

Translation: “We’re going to get rid of everything Sony was doing and do it our way, because our way makes a shit ton of money. Also we keep our browser security on high so we won’t get hacked.”

"We did it! We finally got the four biggest cash cows back together!"

“We did it! We finally got the four biggest cash cows back together!”

“Sony Pictures and Marvel Studios share a love for the characters in the Spider-Man universe and have a long, successful history of working together. This new level of collaboration is the perfect way to take Peter Parker’s story into the future,” added Doug Belgrad, president, Sony Pictures Entertainment Motion Picture Group.

Chow-chow-chow mein fuckers! We’re making money together!

“I am thrilled to team with my friends at Sony Pictures along with Amy Pascal to produce the next Spider-Man movie,” said Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige. “Amy has been deeply involved in the realization on film of one of the world’s most beloved characters. Marvel’s involvement will hopefully deliver the creative continuity and authenticity that fans demand from the MCU. I am equally excited for the opportunity to have Spider-Man appear in the MCU, something which both we at Marvel, and fans alike, have been looking forward to for years.”

“We’re making money, but now I have to take orders from these two… man I hope we get along in the break room.”

Spider-Man, embraced all over the world, is the most successful franchise in the history of Sony Pictures, with the five films having taken in more than $4 billion worldwide.

Oh! That’s were they got that number from… five fucking films combined together and Avengers did one movie and took off a fourth of that… well hey we all have to brag about something. I wonder how much Marvel made on everything else Spidaw-Mayun related?

Well there you have it. The Marvel Cinematic Universe got Spider-Man back… does he fit? Was it worth it? Is this the first big mistep in their track record before Ant-Man could release? Does anyone really care that much about a bunch of movies not even made yet? Hit us up in the comments.


Dustin Cabeal
Dustin doesn't like cheese, but he loves pizza. His life is full of many such contradictions. He is the co-founder of Comic Bastards, one fourth of the CBMFP (Comic Bastards Mother Fucking Podcast), the lead writer and whatever other title he decides to give himself. He doesn't like comic books, he loves them.