WTF Review: Craftsman Bolt-On System Saves The Justice League #1

Did you ever read an issue of the Justice League and think to yourself, “Who in the hell fixes all of their shit?” Well think that no longer because it’s The Technician. Along with his trusty array of Craftsmen tools, he can fix anything!

Change the oil in Wonder Women’s Invisible Jet? Yep. What the fuck with this jet already? Does she have this stupid plane or not? How can he see it, let alone fix it? Why is it just parked outside of the Hall of Justice? We still do that in the New 52, the Hall of Justice? Doesn’t matter, The Technician handles that shit. After that our hero dares to touch The Batmobile and interrupts Batman while he’s talking. Bruce somehow doesn’t break his face. Yeah okay.

Now that the Tech has found a free second The Flash high fives him for tuning up his Cosmic treadmill. No sweat Scarlet Speedster, the T-Man has got you covered. Next it’s off to help Cyborg repair their main computer…yep, he helps a dead guy that is 90% super computer himself, fix something electronic. Then he doesn’t help Superman fix shit, why because he’s fucking Superman that’s why. Oh and Aquaman made the cover but said fuck off the interiors. Even he couldn’t be bothered with this Technician asshole.

Soon the Justice League get the call that the always easy to defeat Royale Flush gang are causing trouble. So they leave the Technician to…roam the Hall of Justice on his own. Within seconds the half Lobo half Conan looking dong named The Key ( with little keys hanging all over him by the way) shows up and The Technician wows him with this fucking Craftsman Bolt-On System with nine interchangeable attachments (only $119.99!).

The Justice League figures out that the Royal Flush Gang are completely worthless and head back to the Hall of Justice before The Key finds The Technician’s right hole. Soon the police are rounding out the baddies and The Technician off to whatever it is he does.

Oh and Wonder Woman wears pants in this, so who’s the tool now?!!!

Get IT HERE if you want

Score: WTF

Writer: Joshua Williamson

Artist: Christian Duce

Publisher: DC Entertainment

Price: Free

Release Date: 10/01/2012