Wednesday
Jan252012
WTF Review: Archie #629: Archie Meets Kiss
Wednesday, January 25, 2012 at 5:27PM 
Ah, Riverdale. You haven’t been in this much trouble since that al qaeda sleeper cell that planned to dirty bomb the sock hopwas discovered to be working out of the malt shop. But this is worse…
Zombies have overtaken the place. Kiss showed up to rock some tunes and break some maidenheadslike they did when the Alive tour rolledthrough Riverdale in ‘75.
Veronica brought the drama two issues ago when she botched one of Sabrina’sprotection spells. And now Archieand the gang have to deal with the fallout of her poor life choices like theydid when the bumbling brunette gave them all crabs in issue 570.
Kiss saves Archie. But it’s not permanent. Unless the crew can destroy The Dynasty Amulet, the zombie curse won’tbe broken. Jughead cries foul, soPaul cries “Black Diamond” and turns his guitar into a flying ankh. Via a Dickensian Christmas Carol episode, Kiss shows the Riverdale gang what theplace would be like if run by zombies. Meanwhile, Veronica learns that the group of monsters (complete with anapathetic Twilight vampireknock-off) has the Dynasty Amulet. The baddies plan to hold a carnival to suck the fun out ofeveryone. And suck some otherthings in the process.
Kiss and the Archies get back in time to have their asseshanded to them by the Monster Squad (great movie, go watch it soon!). Next issue will tell if Archie livesthrough this or gets a full-page ad in the yearbook…
I was a little disappointed in the slowpacing of issue 628. Thisissue, however, moves along better, has cheesier jokes, and features Sabrina in thatkiller plaid skirt. That said,this issue was better than the last. The story felt more vibrant and less stagnant due to Kiss’active involvement. And as hokey as theflying ankh was, it did elevate the conflict.
The art is typical Archie comics. That means I may need to see a therapist for how badly Iwanted to bone Betty, Veronica, Sabrina, and Salem the Cat. Sorry about the last one, but I’d hitall the pussy in Riverdale. Takethat, Gene Simmons.
Score: 3/5
Archie Comics
$2.99
Release Date: 1/25/12
Writer: Alex Segura
Art: Dan Parent
Inks: Rich Koslowski
Letters: Jack Morelli
Reader Comments (2)
"or gets a full-page ad in the yearbook…"
I fucking laughed hard at this line!
Sabrina the Teenage Witch is an enduring fantasy of mine from my formative childhood years (don't look at me like that, be honest, you all want her too). This comic clearly wins for the Sabrina cameo alone (and Salem). Whatever happened to her?
She was so very, very, very pretty...mmmmmmmmm.........