Review: Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters #11

Don’t let the Titanosaurus cover fool you.  The disco-icon dinosaur from Terrorof Mechagodzilla doesn’t show up here.  What happens in this penultimate issue?

Shit gets real sleepy.

Godzilla has been Terry Schiavoed by Mechagodzilla.  King Ghidorah lays there responsive asmy ex-girlfriend during lovemaking. And those French twin fairies come riding in on Battra and Rodan.

The twins want to control Godzilla.  But nobody controls the King of theMonsters.  Nobody…

When the twins try to revive Godzilla at a nuclear powerplant, Big G turns on them.  Oneblast of blue atomic breath later and those twin frogs are croacking surrenderfaster than Glass Joe in the first round of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out on the NES. Godzilla and Battra duke it out in a slobber knocker that made Starcade’97 look like Halloween Havoc ’01. 

Battra uses her kegel exercise eye beams as Thunder Thighsuses his atomic breath.  Theensuing blast from the battle knocks out both contenders.

And from the Fap-star One, an orbiting satellite designed to beam late-night Cinemax softcoreporn knock-offs of major motion pictures commandeered to spy on the battlingkaiju, the human race sees the monsters have knocked each other out.  “…The ground has stopped shaking,”reads the caption.

And that’s where I got madder than Alec Baldwin duringtakeoff.  Issue 11 of a 12 issuerun should not end with giant monsters sleeping and dreaming how great it wouldbe for a porn version of Forest Gump tobe made called Sorest Rump.  Tage line: “If I was going anywhere, Iwas cum-ming…”

Damnit, you end this book with all the monsters ready toduke it the fuck out like the ending of The Warriors. Instead, I got Marley and Me.  

So we start the issue with Godzilla unconscious,and we end it the same way.  Didn’tanyone fucking proofread this script before putting it into production?

This issue is a letdown compared to the previous stories inthe series.  There had better beone big pajama-jammie jam to finish this arc off.  Otherwise, I will file all IDW Godzilla books in the same low-opinion folder as those shittyTransformer books.  You know, the ones with all the talkingand no transforming action.

What a disappointment.

Score: 1/5

IDW Comics

$3.99

Release Date: 1/25/11

Writer: Jason Ciaramella

Pencils: Victor Santos

Letters: Chris Mowry